Twisted Thanksgiving
by Beastfire
Summary: It's a very twisted Thanksgiving for many characters, OC and canon! Very random! NO FLAMES!


Thanksgiving…Twisted

Disclaimer: I own Ivy, Tyr, Dylan, and Seamus. Emec owns Frus, Ygrene, and Kyrie. A friend of mine owns J-3, Skye, Amanda, Brittany, Samantha, Hen, Ban, and Gib. Gibson belongs to Ciro Nieli, Ron Stoppable belongs to whoever created the show Kim Possible, Warren belongs to whoever created Greg the Bunny, Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, Timon belongs to Disney, Dale belongs to the creator of King of the Hill, Quagmire and Stewie belong to the creator of Family Guy, and Bender is from Futurama.

It was the day right before Thanksgiving. A boy named J-3 was walking down the street with his dog Skye and a certain meerkat named Timon.

"J-3?" asked Timon, "What are we doing, again?"

"Getting a turkey, idiot!" both J-3 and Skye yelled.

They all walked into a grocery store, Skye and Timon fighting over who'd sit in the cart. J-3 was looking around the store for turkeys. There was one left, and some old lady wanted it…J-3, Timon, and Skye rushed toward it, grabbing one part while the old lady grabbed the other. They were tugging on it in an epic battle of wits…

"HEY, LOOK OVER THERE! IT'S SINATRA!" yelled Timon.

The old lady let go and looked to the direction in which Timon was pointing. The three of them ran to pay for the turkey and left for home. At home, Ivy was in the kitchen, grabbing a beer. Timon, J-3, and Skye burst in with the turkey…okay, it was just Timon.

"Hey, Ivy…I got a job for ya. Cook the turkey!" said Timon.

Ivy just scoffed at him, "Yeah, right! You KNOW I can't cook! Besides, Thanksgiving ain't 'till tomorrow!"

"DO IT!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"NO!"

"Crap! I thought that'd work!"

Three hours of arguing later, Ivy was sitting on a throne with a crown on her head and a whip in her hand.

"Get cookin', slave!" she yelled to Timon.

"Wha?"

"You heard me! I've crowned myself queen! NOW COOK THAT TURKEY!"

Timon grumbled as he put the turkey in the oven. When it was in, he turned to the other meerkat and decided to throw a coup…

Frus was watching the kids in an adjacent room, when he heard something flying at him. He looked just in time to see Ivy land on him. The crown was stuck on her head.

"Hey, Ivy," he told her. "Need help?"

Frus grabbed onto the crown with one hand and pushed with the other. Soon, it came off and he got his arms stuck in it. He cursed loudly. She telekinetically tried to expand it and get it off. It actually worked, too! Timon soon came out, having finished with the turkey and put it on the table. Even though it wasn't officially Thanksgiving, they were going to eat the turkey anyway. Ron Stoppable, Inuyasha, Dale Gribble, Quagmire, Stewie, Eric Matthews, Brittany, Amanda, Samantha, Bender, and Warren were there, along with Ivy, Frus, Tyr, Dylan, Seamus, Kyrie, J-3, Timon, and Ygrene. They all sat at the table, and Ivy had some burritos rather than turkey. Instead of turkey, Frus had some fried chicken there and the kids had some ground up turkey from a jar.

They all began eating, until suddenly, J-3, Timon, Ron, Eric, Bender, Warren, and Dale began to feel sick. Timon didn't cook it enough…they'd gotten food poisoning. To make matters worse, Ivy was annoyed with J-3 for some strange reason, so she decided to put a curse on him…She whipped out a spell book and read a spell. Soon, J-3 began to glow purple. Why purple? Because it was the color that someone would glow if they had the "Werewolf Curse" put on them. As he began to mutate, she left to go to a bar. Dale, Bender, Quagmire, and Warren followed. Timon, J-3, Ron, and Eric decided to lie down. On the way to the bar, any of them that had food poisoning collapsed. Ivy noticed, whipped out a cell phone, and called Frus.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Frus, we got a problem here…"

"What is it?"

"Well, Dale, Bender, and Warren just keeled over, and Quagmire appears to be hitting on a drag queen."

Sure enough, there was an undeniable drag queen on the corner of the street and Quagmire was using some really lame pickup lines.

"Weird. Okay, I'll be right over. Anything you want?"

"Yeah, can ya pick up some Coke? It goes really well with rum."

"Okay, I'll do that. See ya later!"

Frus hung up and had Gibson and Ygrene baby-sit Tyr, Dylan, Seamus, and Kyrie. He left to get Ivy's Coke on the way to her. Those that had food poisoning were now asleep and having odd dreams.

IN J-3'S DREAM…

_J-3 was dressed as Elmer Fudd, chasing Ivy around the forest. He had a rifle in his hands and was hunting some meerkat. He was tiptoeing along until he stopped and looked straight to his side. _

"_Shhh…be vewwy, vewwy, quiet…I'm hunting meerkat!" he said to nobody in particular. _

_Ivy ran into a tree and whipped out a shotgun of her own, shooting J-3 in the foot. _

"_Ooooh….YOU WASCLY MEERKAT!" _

The others had different, too-strange-to-describe hallucinations. Frus walked up to a rather scraggly looking man.

"Excuse me," he said. "Can you give me some Coke for my girlfriend?"

The man revealed himself to be a cop. He was disguised as a drug dealer.

"OH, so you wanted some drugs, is that it sonny boy?" he asked.

"Uh, no, I wanted some Coke."

"As in cocaine? You're under arrest!"

Before Frus could explain, his hands were cuffed behind his back and he was on his way to prison. When they got there, he was told he could have one phone call. He decided to call Ivy.

"Hello, Ivy?"

"Yeah, Frus?"

"Uh…I seem to have a little problem here."

"What happened?"

"I got arrested. Why'd you want cocaine?"

"Huh? Cocaine?"

"That's what the cop said Coke was!"

Ivy could be heard laughing on the other side.

"What!"

"Dude…I meant the soda!"

Frus turned bright red.

"Uh, Mr. Police Officer Dude? I can explain…I really meant the soda. My girlfriend wanted the soda, not the drug."

"OHHHHHHHH…" said the police officer, rather embarrassed. "Sorry about that. Why didn't you explain earlier?"

"You didn't let me."

The cop handed him a bottle of Coke. Frus smiled up at him.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Tell your girlfriend I said 'Happy Thanksgiving'!"

"Will do!"

Frus headed to where Ivy was with her soda. She hugged him upon arrival.

"Dude! Howdja get out?" she asked.

Suddenly…an evil penguin cult ran over to them both and grabbed Ivy.

"Let her go!" Frus shouted angrily.

"NEVER!" the cult yelled, running off with her.

Frus decided to get the others for backup. He woke the ones there up and got them to come back with him to the rest. He jumped on J-3's head and woke him up.

"WAKE UP!" he yelled.

J-3 woke up.

"Huh…?"

"It's about Ivy. Some cult ran off with her!"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Ron woke up next, and Frus told him. Next came the others. Before they could do anything else, a ghostly turkey arrived.

"Who the heck are you?" asked Ron.

"I am the Ghost of Thanksgivings Past!" said the turkey.

"And…you're here, why?"

"To avenge you eating my body!"

"We didn't even eat that much, 'cause it wasn't even cooked enough!"

"It's all Ivy's fault!" said J-3.

"No, she was with me the whole time!" said Frus.

"Then who…TIMON?"

Timon hid behind Frus, who just put him out in front. Suddenly, three witches appeared. They got rid of the ghost with a snap of their fingers, then went over to J-3 and lifted the curse on him.

"Thanks!" he told them.

Their names were Gib, Hen, and Ban. They just smiled and left. Frus decided to save Ivy himself and ran off.

Ivy, meanwhile, was really cold. She was basically in a meat freezer in a butcher's shop…tied to a giant block of ice. The leader of the penguin cult was holding an icicle, waiting for the giant iceburg they told time by to be exactly 90 degrees from their location, which would indicate it being 3 o'clock. Without the iceburg there, he had to use a watch, which kept stopping from the cold. They were planning to sacrifice the mutant. She, needless to say, was pretty scared.

"Get away from her!" she heard Frus yell.

Ivy managed to see him with his sword.

"What do YOU want?" one penguin asked him.

"My girlfriend!"

"Uh…what girlfriend?"

"The one tied to that chunk of ice."

"What chunk of ice?"

Frus groaned and swiped at them with his sword. The penguins, being afraid of almost anything, hid as the mongoose cut Ivy free and left with her. She was freezing, even after just half an hour.

Frus managed to get Ivy back home. She was shivering profusely and he handed her a blanket. J-3 got out in the middle of the room, where everyone was gathered.

"Well," he said pleasantly. "I think we've had a happy day before Thanksgiving!"

"What are you talking about?" said Timon. "I got food poisoning!"

"So did I!" said Ron. "And I had a dream where KP gave me an atomic wedgie in a bikini…AND I WAS WEARING THE BIKINI!"

"And I was slapped by a drag queen!" yelled Quagmire.

"And I got outsmarted by infants!" Gibson protested.

The triplets and Kyrie high fived each other.

"And I got my head stuck in the toilet!" Ygrene shouted.

"And I had diarrhea!" yelled Stewie. "WHAT THE DEUCE IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

"And my leg gave out!" complained Bender.

"And the red one didn't do what I thought it would!" Warren yelled.

"And my sword got (bleep)in' stuck in the (bleep)in' (bleep)!" Inuyasha cursed.

"And the aliens are comin' for me!" Dale said, rather cowardly.

"And we got bored!" Amanda, Brittany, and Samantha complained.

"And I lost my basketball!" Eric complained…and it was right behind him.

"And I got arrested!" Frus yelled.

"AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE HYPOTHERMIA!" Ivy shouted, wrapped in a blanket.

All in all, it wasn't a very pleasant day at all…in fact, it wasn't a HAPPY Thanksgiving eve…it was a CRAPPY Thanksgiving eve. They all chased J-3 out of the house.

END!

WAIT! EPILOGUE!

J-3 had to go to the hospital after the chase. He had an IV hooked up to his arm. Suddenly, there was an earthquake. It caused his bed and the IV bag holder to roll out of the hospital. He rolled down the street in his bed, screaming like a girl.

Ivy was out for a walk with her kids. Tyr looked around when he heard a girly scream. He saw something and got Ivy's attention.

"Look, mommy!" he said, pointing.

She looked and saw J-3's bed rolling by them. He was yelling to them for help. They just waved at him.

"Oh, by the way!" said Dylan. "Look out for that hill!"

"What hill?" J-3 asked, when the IV popped out of his arm.

He saw the hill and screamed even girlier.

"He tried to warn ya!" said Seamus.

Kyrie plugged her ears as J-3 rolled down the hill, still screaming. They all watched for a moment, then headed home.

And that's the REAL end!

Hope you liked it! I realize, it was kinda rushed and didn't have much of a plot, but I was GOING for random. Hope you enjoyed it anyhow!


End file.
